DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME
To Whom It May Concern:
Once again the government wants to interfere with the daily lives of its citizens. Enough is enough. We are sick and tired of it. Now they want to make fools out of us with the stupidity of Daylight Savings Time. Do they really believe that moving the hands on a clock will actually offset reality? And what’s happened to all the daylight time we saved in the past? Add them up – probably hundreds, no – thousands of daylight hours have been saved over the years. Where are they? Probably stored in some deep salt mine somewhere in New Mexico. How about giving them back to the people – who saved them.
Therefore, we believe it is time to refuse Daylight Saving Time. We hope you will join us in telling the government “We will no longer be fooled.” As that great philosopher once yelled from the boxing ring ‘NO MAS.”
The Navajo sent a statement to the Bureau of Indian Affairs that Daylight Savings Time would not be observed on their reservation. The Navajo chief put it in simple terms that even a bureaucrat could understand. Only the Federal Government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a Navajo rug, sew it on the bottom, and think you will wind up with a bigger rug.
Reminds me of a friend of mine who keeps his watch 15 minutes fast so he won’t be late. DUH
If you notice, when THE IRS is joined together it spells THEIRS?!?!
An IRS agent stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location. The IRS agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?” The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the IRS agent running for his life chased by the rancher’s Santa Geretrudis bull….With every step the bull in gaining ground on the agent, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The agent is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs …”Show him your BADGE!”
“I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States, the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money.”
“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.”
ST. PATRICK’S DAY
The Top O’ the Morning To You
May your road through life be always downhill,
with the breeze at your back, the sun on your face,
and may you be in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead
Regardless of what the Irish say, Guinness is not a meal – but then again, it’s not just for breakfast anymore either.
These things I warmly wish for you
Someone to love, some work to do
A bit ‘o sun, a bit o’cheer
A guardian angel always near.
Sweet songs are heard from birds on the wing
Joy touches all – it now is Spring.
Flowers are blooming – life starts anew
I need not its beauty, my Spring is you
I need not its beauty, my Spring is you.
It must be Spring – Alvin, Simon, and Theodore came to visit
New Hope in Springtime
It’s nice to see the sun appear as springtime comes our way…
With warmth and beauty in its path, and hopes for brighter days.
The trees begin to come alive with branches reaching out …
And birds begin to sing in time as children run about.
The gift of springtime, back again to stir our thankful hearts…
To look ahead and rise above, to find a brand new start.
Is it true, if you don’t believe in the Easter bunny, you get underwear for Christmas?
This is for all the ladies who bake for church events. Alice Grayson was to bake one for the Church Ladies’ Group Easter cake sale, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembers it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing. When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, “Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!”
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the louse for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom – a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and give her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified – she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of the town, but having already RSVP’d, she couldn’t think of a believable excuse to stay home. The luncheon was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for desert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!” Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you. I baked it myself.” Alice smiled and thought to herself, “God is good.”
And now a world up-date. The sun rose, the birds sang, rivers flowed, grass grew, flowers bloomed, snow fell, the stars twinkled … and that’s the way it is – MUTTS by Patrick McDonnell