Absolutely satire, and a little humor.
(Ever see those online “opportunity letters, “secrets you can use too”, etc.?)
Life changing secrets
You too can become a redistributionist. Think of the career potential. As long as there is wealth there will be need for redistributionists, or Reds as we like to call them. You can be a card-carrying redistributionist with minor training and a little ambition.
Join some of the greats. I’ll let you in on an inside secret, right now there is pent-up demand for young, new Reds willing to learn the ropes. You see, many of the current Reds are getting older and the industry needs replacements. Lots of room to grow.
Working in the industry can open up all kinds of opportunities. It even leads to other prestigious fields like Congress or the Senate, even president or vice prez. The sky is truly the limit. Haven’t you noticed many of the current stock are getting old? How much longer are they going to be there to redistribute wealth, or “spread the wealth” as we say?
Just imagine yourself in a brand new career jetting from coast to coast, staying at some of the top resorts, traveling with some of the big names in redistribution. Speak and lecture to some of the largest crowds of Walmart employees or fast food workers. Learn minimum wage lingo. Talk about wage disputes. Call strikes of your own, when you want, whenever you want to raise some new “revenue”.
Work with some of the biggest names in the industry. These great Reds can teach you so much. Learn while you travel in style. Never worry again about career moves and glass ceilings. And remember red is green too, so you don’t have to worry about suffering criticism from other like-minded Reds, or hardly anyone else. Talk to media whenever you want, at your whim. They’ll swoon over you.
Remember, Reds who redistribute together stay together. And they’re some of the most loyal colleagues in the world. Just look at those greats still with their reputation in the business and renowned for their achievements.
Or if you have a flare for education, you have inside opportunity to hundreds of colleges and universities around the country that no one else has. They’ll make room for you and even create new positions. They need your talent. Follow in the steps of those like Elizabeth Warren. One position can lead to another better one. Up is the only way you can go once you are a Red. Learn to speak the language of pioneers in the industry.
The opportunities are about endless. Some people spend years and hundreds of thousands of dollars on degrees, when you can move up in the fast lane, for much less. And promotions are almost a sure thing. If you have the right stuff, can use a phone, or have basic communication know how, then this is the career you’ve been waiting for. You can start almost immediately in your spare time and just watch it turn into more than you can handle. Train others as you go.
Your classmates will be impressed when you show up at your reunion wearing the symbols of great Reds and knowing how to speak fluent “redistribution”. They’ll be amazed when you demonstrate how to slice a pie into ever smaller pieces. But of course, those techniques will be your secrets. Ever think of writing a how to book and share some of your secrets in redistribution? Or just use a book to parlay your career into politics alongside of some of the greats. When your Red message gets out, others will back off and give you wide berth.
Plus you’ll have plenty of staff and supporters to carry the message and work for you. Earn the perks and retirement of the big boys in the capitol. Get the
inside …privileged info of elites on investments. And you won’t have to worry, there will be no one clawing back your proceeds like others. Remember you are “Rredistributionist”, Reds are exempt from penalties. If you have what it takes, get started today, opportunities await you.
Go Red in the head and never look back, only Forward.