Trucking Joe: a convoy of one

Wow, I didn’t know all this about Biden. He announced while touring Mack Trucks that he used to drive a big rig. That’s when it all came out. Buckle up!

“I used to drive an 18-wheeler, man,” Biden told a Mack employee.

I’ll let Biden fill us in on details in his own words. Take it away Joe, and turn off all the fact-checkers. Let the satire fly.

Here’s the deal folks, I probably shouldn’t say this, I might get in trouble. Back in the 70’s Corn Pop and I ran a big rig coast to coast with a reefer. Folks gave us the strangest looks… no joke. I mean that. That was after all this reefer madness came around. They used to call me ‘Big-Rig Biden’ ‘cause I knew all the shortcuts.

I remember one day Corn Pop was back in the sleeper getting some rest and I was on the last leg of our haul out in Indiana. It was just about dark and this broad came up beside us waving in a Corvette giving us the sign, so I honked the horn. Well, Corn Pop flew out of the back like a meteor wondering what happened? I said I was just having some courteous intercourse with a lady passing by. He said I should have called him up front before doing that. Well, you had to see his face.

I got a million stories, almost as many as all the miles we clocked. One time I was coming down a long hill so I hollered back to Corn Pop to say his prayers. His face turned white, I mean literally. That’s no joke.

That’s where, later on, I picked up Obama hitchhiking and asked him if he wanted a ride into DC? That’s how he got here. You think I’m joking?

 

Turns out Joe was holding out on us. So on deep dive research I found out a few things that the ever-humble Biden was keeping private.

So Joe was a long hauler from way back, He’s logged more rest stops and diners than any president or member of Congress. In his spare time he helped engineer on Amtrak routes and made them more efficient. (his son followed his tracks to the board)

He even drove a cabover to DC the first time. Security stopped him at the gate of the parking lot and didn’t believe he was a Senator. They were going to take him down town. After a while the guard apologized to him. The guy didn’t know he was on a special mission to help rescue Nelson Mandela.

Joe has a pretty storied past with all the roadwork he did, even getting through Chicago riots in ’68. The mayor asked him if he would park his rig outside the Convention Center for security and he said okay. But the cops gave him a ticket for having a reefer in front of a public building. He told them he was a friend of Daley’s and they let him go. He had to run after that ordeal — I don’t mean for office but to get out of Chicago. Who knew?

Now I think Trucker Joe ought to figure out that Jake brake before it’s too late. He’s starting to slip a few gears and the clutch ain’t what it used to be.

We all know his big rig days are long gone now, but these days Joe is into a whole new kind of rigging, if you get my drift? That is pretty big, too. Shout out to Big-Rig Biden!

Just imagine what all we could learn about Big-Rigger Joe if they unsealed his records at the University in Delaware? I bet he’s done a lot of “rigging” in his time.

Right Ring | Bullright | © 2021

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