No, Mayor Bowser, you cannot have the “militia” come in to defend you against illegal “immigrants.” Silly Mayor, that is only for insurrectionists and white extremists.
Who do you think you are anyway?
But you know what? Maybe if you claimed they were invading the nation’s capital and interfering with democracy or elections, it might work? Worth a shot, or chance.
And maybe if said reinforcements could stop the president’s relocation service from dropping off “immigrants” across the US in the middle of the night, it could help your case? You might also try calling it a crisis, which sometimes gets government’s ire.
I do hope your schools, hospitals and public services can handle the extra strains. Sorry, you don’t have enough “white privilege” in the city for it. You are already overextended.
Nevertheless, the president is counting on your excellent resettlement services to handle it anyway. Please know the cartels much appreciate your efforts as well.
However, in the future, should you have a legitimate need of those “militarized” services, don’t hesitate to ask. They are there at your request.
Lots of luck, Mayor Muriel Bowser.
This is your mission, should you accept it.
Signed,
Mission Impossible Team
(**This letter will self-destruct faster than Hillary Clinton’s emails.**)
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