(want to know what is wrong with society? Add this. Is Dr.Ruth in the house?)
Let me introduce this person who is a blogger. She must be first rate if she’s on HuffPo.
“Featured as one of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2012, Charlie N___ has been dishing out dating advice since middle school.”
“In addition to writing and speaking, Charlie is a boutique sex and dating coach. She works with all kinds of clients, but specializes in those who have specific and often significant barriers to dating — she prefers to call it Extreme Dating!”
Fame and all ….
Okay, so she says she is a “sex and dating coach”. Now to the point, I read this column of hers. I know, why would I? Not sure, but the comments beneath it at least were rational, so there are sane, thinking people out there. But in her words in this column were some interestingly strange tidbits.
The tip-off is probably in the title, “Oops, I slept with your boyfriend“.
“I think of myself as a woman of integrity, a lady of honor, an upstanding broad. If you had asked me when I was in high school if I’d ever sleep with a man I knew was otherwise entangled, I would have given a proud and emphatic “no way, sister.”
Well, she has integrity.. So far so good.
“But as I got older, this view of relationships, among other things, got complicated. I’ve been married, separated, divorced, monogamous, polyamorous, celibate, and in recent years I’ve once in a while been the “other woman.” “
Okay, that begins it; just imagine similar rationalizations for ‘anything goes’ after that.
Then she makes a point to say she wants only consensual and intentional sex, without the pretense that “it just happened”. It must be deliberate. Ah, a hint of limits. (sigh)
Then, there is the 50 dollar statement at the end, after saying what all she does, did, or would do. She said, before you worry, her friends’ boyfriends are taboo — well sort of.
So there is the pretense that there are limits beyond which even she will not cross… or maybe not. Remember, she is a professional.
“I’m sure some women will read this and worry about being friends with me. Up until now I’ve never slept with one of my friend’s boyfriends. I can’t imagine a situation in which that would feel right in my body. There are a whole other set of promises and agreements between me and my friends.
Maybe we don’t have a promise to not f*** each other’s partners, but we do have promises around caring for each other and if I thought my friend would be upset, I suspect I wouldn’t be turned on.
But if for some reason I am there with my friend’s boyfriend, and we have a crazy intense connection and sleeping with him doesn’t feel wrong in my body, I might do it. I feel the need however to emphasize that despite an incredibly vivid imagination, I can’t actually imagine any scenario in which this would happen.”
Okay, this is not my normal thing to blog on but this one just rang the “gong bell” and did a drum roll. People wonder what is wrong with society? She is a professional sex coach. I’m sorry I cannot spell out all the irony there. It does, however, make you wonder who her clients are? Then she nails the rationalization box shut with this:
“Relationships are complicated; and emotions and promises and sex and bodies are complicated. I don’t think it’s possible to make absolute rules.”
Well, now that we got the rule book out of the way…. I could have saved her a whole lot of time and all that self-absorbed, unnecessary excuse-making — especially the posturing about a pretense of limits when there are none — by just saying: “my view on sex is that there are no limits as long as you can rationalize it, just do it”.
So there you go, a glimpse into the culture we like to poke fun at and criticize. Que the Twilight Zone music. I really don’t want to know if she votes, based on her rationalizations. I’m not sure if she makes decisions, or only excuses. But a “sex coach”? She found her little niche in life, even if it includes ruining someone else’s life, or countless others’. This is a long way from “Dear Abby”. Possibly Bob Filner has a future as a sex coach?