Thoughts: crisis control

 

THOUGHTS
by
Just Gene
about
CRISIS CONTROL

I had the lucky opportunity the other day to slip a tape recorder into an administration emergency meeting called to address an unexpected immediate crisis. Here is the meeting, verbatim.

There’s a hole in the bucket, Mister President, Mister President. There’s a hole in the bucket, Mister President, there’s a hole.
Then fix it, Secretary Holder, Secretary Holder. Then fix it, Secretary Holder, then fix it.
With what should I fix it? Ms. Jarrett, Ms. Jarrett. With what should I fix it, Ms. Jarrett, with what?
With a straw, Secretary Kerry, Secretary Kerry. With a straw, Secretary Kerry, with a straw.
But the straw is too long, Secretary Lew, Secretary Lew. The straw is too long, Secretary Lew, too long.
Then cut it Secretary Hagel, Secretary Hagel. Then cut it, Secretary Hagel, cut it!
With what shall I cut it, Secretary Vilsack, Secretary Vilsack. With what shall I cut it, Secretary Vilsack, with what?
With an ax, Secretary Pritzker, Secretary Pritzker. With an ax, Secretary Pritzker, an ax.
But the ax is too dull, Secretary Foxx, Secretary Foxx. The ax is too dull, Secretary Foxx, too dull.
Then, sharpen it, Secretary Duncan, Secretary Duncan, Then sharpen it Secretary Duncan, sharpen it!
With what should I sharpen it, Secretary Jewell, Secretary Jewell. With what should I sharpen it, Secretary Jewell, with what?
With a stone, Secretary Cohen, Secretary Cohen. With a stone,Secretary Cohen, a stone.
But the stone is too dry, Secretary Riley, Secretary Riley. The stone is too dry, Secretary Riley, too dry.
Then wet it, Secretary Sebelius, Secretary Sebelius. Then wet it Secretary Sebelius, wet it.
With what should I wet it, Secretary Perez, Secretary Perez. With what should I wet it, Secretary Perez, with what?
With water, Ms. Jackson, Ms. Jackson. With water, Ms. Jackson, with water.
But how shall I get it, Secretary Glickman, Secretary Glickman. But how shall I get it, Secretary Glickman, with what?
In the bucket, Secretary Mineta, Secretary Mineta. In the bucket, Secretary Mineta, the bucket.
But there’s a hole in the bucket, Secretary Moniz, Secretary Moniz. There’s a hole in the bucket, Secretary Moniz, a hole.

Ms. Rice interrupted – “Why don’t we just make a video”.

I was able to get the tape out while they were still discussing the problem by constantly repeating the above – ad infinitum – or maybe AD NAUSEUM!

luvya