Dear Jeb Letter

Dear Jeb,

I thought you had that nomination process all under control? You raised all that money and timed your announcement right. So what if you had to drown out other announcements of lesser candidates. I thought you were right on schedule, according to plan. Dubya is so looking forward to your run. You even have Mama Bush on your side now, after initially saying no more Bushes.

So what happened? A little billionaire came out and stole your thunder? But you were looking so good, even lost some weight. You raised tons of money. And yet you let a little old rich guy wreck your bandwagon on the beltway? I thought you were a little smarter than that. Now you are going to have to work and spend some of that money to defend yourself against attacks. Hey, that wasn’t part of the plan, now was it? Your Radio Flyer wagon got stuck in a traffic jam. How’s that going to look at the family reunion? You won’t be having the carefree wind in your hair photo-ops in daddy’s speedboat this summer. You might have to defend yourself. Do you think you can… I mean without getting ticked off the way you do?

Heck, you can hardly plan early how you are going to contrast yourself with Hillary when you got this train wreck to deal with right now. You still have to figure out all those differences. I know there are a lot of people that really would like to help you right now but, frankly, we are a bit concerned about your prospects — what with your waffling and positioning and such. You didn’t want to have to run in the current issues, and thought yourself above getting mired and drawn into recent political debates on issues. I guess you were surprised, uh? You didn’t want to get down into the fray on important events and say weaken your chances, but it looks like you did. Your nose was so far up in the air you didn’t see what was going on right in front of you.

So all that in mind, remember the big donations your were expecting? Well, maybe don’t count on all those just yet. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Besides, you haven’t even done the first debate yet. That’s right, Jeb, only the first one with plenty more. I don’t know about you but a lot of things can happen in debates. You might want to compare notes with Rick Perry on that. In fact, a lot can happen between debates too, depending on what you might say. It might be best if people hold off on, you know, rushing into the deep end too fast. Let’s all just take our time here, maybe take some time to think about things, clear the air.

Look on the plus side, Jeb, how many more people could possibly jump into this race? And say hello to Christie for me.

Your friend still,

Con-science.

 

PS: maybe go get yourself a pint of Chunky Monkey and do some soul searching.
I’ll be in touch.

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