It Takes A Dynasty

Jeb Bush — why does that always sound redundant — is now focusing on the VA scandal. Should I say the ‘problems’ in the VA he is now seeking to politicize? He’s on the job. Just let Jeb at it.

Of course the one resounding question that comes up to all his campaign promises is does this problem require a dynasty to fix it? According to Jeb’s best rhetoric, it seems to. Only he, he claims, is capable of solving these problems. Only he has the experience. Only he has the pure motives for wanting to fix all these problems. The running joke is if you have a problem, from a leaky roof to needing a baby sitter, just call 1-Jeb-will-fix.

Sort of makes the case for Nanny Government, doesn’t it? It’s as if the only real problem with this Federal Leviathan is it just needs the right Nanny to whip it into shape. Got a cold sore? Call Jeb. Got a bitch, call Jeb. He’s the vaccine.

However, as Mark Steyn has noted, he never does make a case for why only this family is the proper cure for all our ills. What is it about this family that, well, we can’t do without? Why is only he the correct treatment for the disease? And does he have a patent on that medication? He better have. But even based on his exclusive experience, he can’t seem to sell the snake oil. Here, as only Steyn can say it:

I seem to remember someone else four years ago telling us only he was the solution. Before that another mainstream moderate told us the same thing, both of which crashed and burned. (some more than once).

Now more than ever, I am convinced that we have to treat this elitist, establishment medicine as the disease — not the cure. It would be akin to going to the doctor to treat a broken leg and his solution is to break the other one to match. So back to the analytical question of the campaign, why does it take a dynasty to solve the nation’s ills, and only that will work?

Jeb tells us in his new ad, or should I say in his “Right to Rise” pac ads, that “it’s not about yapping!” No, Jeb, it isn’t but why is it about a dynasty? So far Jeb has told us everything except why we need to continue that dynasty.

He also increasingly looks angry in his ads. (should I say their ads?) Jeb is the Irrelevant Candidate” who can only hawk his family heirloom to the crown for the nomination. Onto this narrative of his — which is unavoidable and the only one who cannot face it is Jeb! — we graft the reality of the disease metaphor. We are a nation diseased both culturally and politically by the very medical system they said would cure us. If that makes any sense.

When did medicine become the problem? It’s a bit like those infomercials for drugs that advertise it as the fix but then lists all the numerous and exhaustive side-effects. Well, if you can live with the very real risk of all those side-effects, then this drug might be right for you. Do you dare to try the cure? Once you are on that medication then you must take it because, after all, it is the only one you should take or trust.

In view of that, I would like to change his official campaign theme from ‘Jed can fix it’ to the “Jeb can fart” campaign. Jeb can fart better than any of the establishment rivals. In fact, he can play a whole tune because he is well practiced. Do you prefer a nice little diddy or do you want a full-blown classic like the 1812 Overture, with all the interactive sound effects? He’s the man. Got a problem? “Jeb will fart on it,” like Triumph the dog: “for me to poop on.” Surely, Jeb’s fart campaign could be as well-received as his ‘fix it’ campaign.

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