Good Humour News

Who says news always has to be bad? Finally something good and funny at the same time. No laughing gas required.

A Big ‘No’ To Baltimore From FEMA

June 20, 2015 | Alex DeMetrick | CBS Baltimore

BALTIMORE (WJZ)—The federal government has given a big “no” to Baltimore. A request to FEMA to declare April’s riots a major disaster has been rejected

The damage was only few days old when Governor Hogan walked neighborhoods hit by rioting and looting, as business owners asked for help.

“We’ve spent millions of dollars in the past few days already. We’re going to be reaching out to the president to try to get some federal funds in here,” Hogan said.

The governor requested FEMA declare the riot a major disaster. But the request has been turned down, FEMA saying federal disaster aid is not appropriate for such an event.

“I hope it’s a glitch. I hope it’s something that can be remedied relatively quickly,” said William Pete Welch, City Councilman. […/]


I can’t think of a funnier piece of irony than Baltimore being turned down. Of course those grounds were generic, not a federal disaster. No, the national disaster was in the leadership and Mayor of the city. Then they had the chutzpah to request a bailout for damages. That could prime the pump for future riots. Maybe they could make them annual events?

So reaching out to the president wasn’t exactly fruitful. Well, he does everything else by executive action, why not do a Baltimore bailout? No qualifications necessary.

They hope it was just a glitch. Did someone not sign the request or date it properly? There couldn’t possibly be any legitimate reason not to approve it. Now they’ll appeal it because they couldn’t hear the word “no” the first time. I suppose they could call it social justice? Just blame it on structural racism. Maybe declare it a green sustainability project?

Get out the whoopee cushion.